A Girl Can Dream...

Occasionally...when I am mentally exhausted...I daydream as I am going to sleep.

That I am not in my bed with a beautiful ebony-skinned toddler beside me singing "There's a party in my tummy...oh yeah...oh yeah!"...off key...and L*O*U*D.

I daydream that I am somewhere quiet...renewing my strength.

Like this. I close my eyes and pretend I am here in this room in total quiet with days to re-energize...that no one is going to start banging on their bedroom door 30 minutes after I fall asleep...that I don't have to get up to feed anyone breakfast...except ME...only if I feel like it.
I daydream that I go to a quiet place nearby...that smells of lavender...and has very soft, peaceful music playing by a world-renowned pianest.
That everyone is quiet...not L*O*U*D. And I am laying on my tummy with my face in the oval shaped pillow, drooling on the floor, and trying not to make strange noises while the massage therapist works her hands deep into my back and neck muscles. I daydream I am apologizing for crying and she will quietly tell me that it happens to many people...that our spirit, body, mind, and heart are all connected...and working the tension out of the body's muscles gives an emotional release.

And I daydream that after the 90 minute massage is over, when she quietly says, "Heather...take your time...I'll be outside," that she really means it...I can take my time and nap there in the lavender scented dark room with quiet music playing. And then I can go back to that lovely room of mine and nap...as long as I like.

And when I wake up...

I can look at ravelry.com at all the beautiful knit patterns (like this one from throughtheloops)...and imagine myself having the resources to acquire this amazingly flawless specialty yarn...and that I have the time to make something like this hat, so I can wear all kinds of awesome on my head.

And then...after 6 hours of browsing at ravelry.com and filing 200 patterns into my "favorites" that I will never, ever buy or download...I realize I haven't eaten in 16 hours...

And I go to a restaurant and order something totally bad for me...including dessert. And then I eat it while I read this book I just started. And I don't care that I am a dork in a restaurant gorging on red velvet cake by myself, reading a book about why God made me emotional.

And I will long for my family and miss them terribly, but I will know that this time is necessary. I will just be renewing my strength...so I can mount up on wings like eagles...and soar, for the sake of my family...so I can be the wife and mother they need me to be.

And then I wake up with someone banging on their bedroom door....

Except my daydream is coming true next weekend. My hubby is using his business points to put me up in a hotel for 2 nights, and scheduled a massage for me...and told me if I am a really good girl, he might let me take our I-Pad, which I have only had time to play with once so far, so I can log into ravelry and log out 6 hours later with no more knitted than when I logged in.

I don't want to leave my family, but I know my spirit, mind and body are calling out for a retreat.

Imagine me...ALONE...for almost 48 hours. Its an introverts daydream. And its coming true!