Good Play

I read an article the other night about the lack of “good” play for children in our society, and it keeps replaying over and over in my head. Naturally, this article led me on a rabbit trail to more and more articles, keeping me up half the night. =0)

A study was done 50 years ago where children were asked to just stand still. Their ages were 3, 5, & 7, and they were actually pretty successful! The 5 year olds were able to stand completely still for 3 minutes, and the 7 year olds were motivated to do it as long as the tester would allow them.

Contrast that with today. The study was replicated in recent times. Holy Smokes! NONE of the kids were able to stand still for any remarkable amount of time. Kids these days are full of the jitters, and asking them to sit still is like giving them stimulus DT’s cold turkey.

I tried this on myself yesterday. Every Tuesday and Thursday, I take my son to Mother’s Morning Out. On the drive together, he chatters like there is no tomorrow. On the stretch of the drive that I am alone, I turn on the music unbelievably loud, I read face book status updates or blog posts on my phone at stop lights, etc.

Yesterday, I had to run some errands after dropping The Engineer off, which entailed some waiting in line in my car at two locations. I deliberately left my phone at home (GASP! Don’t tell my husband!). I was so uncomfortable and somewhat nervous. It wasn’t that I was worried about missing a phone call, because I ignore those anyway; I don’t have time to talk, if I am honest. I return messages with texts or leaving voice mail messages late at night.

I was uncomfortable because I was stimulus-free. I kept grabbing for my phone to read something, but it wasn’t there. There was nothing to read in the car as I waited, because I cleaned my van out. There was no knitting beside me on the seat because I left it at home on purpose. I had nothing to do but sit and watch people and birds. I made myself roll down my window and just listen….to traffic, to people talking to the bank tellers via other exterior terminals, to birds, to the wind, to the radio playing at the Sonic next door.

I realize that even though I am 38 and I don’t watch TV or use the computer AT ALL until the littles are in bed (and use the computer maybe once a week, begrudgingly), I still would have difficulty standing still, too, for any length of time. Why? I always do. I always keep my hands busy.

All day long I am busy. From the moment I wake up, I look at my phone as I try to blink enough to get the contact lenses off the back of my eyelids. Then I go make breakfast. Then I make the rounds and pull the blankets off my teenagers and let my little ones out of their rooms. From that moment that I let out the bulls, the day is busy, busy, busy. I joke that I have the attention span of a 2 year old and I can’t sit still because my mind is geared to “what is my 2 year old energetic boy about to do next.” Ask my family…I rarely sit down and if I do, it is on the floor with the kids. There is nothing more frustrating that getting comfy on the couch and having to jump up ever 3 minutes to save a toddler from the elements. Sure, our house is toddler-proof, but we have 3 mean older cats that The Engineer & The Stuntman LOVE to taunt, The Stuntman appears to have prader-willi syndrome and is always trying to grab food and run (thus we have our pantry and fridge locked), AND The Stuntman eats inedible objects (PICA). The Diva needs a lot of sensory input and is in a Touchpoint right now, so she is regressing, which means she keeps slamming herself into Mimi’s poor broken up knees and tackling her brothers to the ground and laying on them til they scream for help. Add that to the Engineer, who can take ANYTHING apart and will in 20 seconds or less. Unquestionably, my mind is on “avert the crisis” all day long. Its just part of having curious, energetic, sensory disordered little ones. Did I mention tempers? Head banging, biting selves, smacking selves? Ok, that’s another post. =0)

Even when I relax at night, if the TV is even on, I am folding and hanging laundry on my bed, cleaning my room up from the day, folding up cloth diapers, etc. When I REALLY relax in the bed, finally, I halfway watch TV as I knit or crochet.

Do you see a pattern? I don’t have idle moments. And if I do, I fall asleep. Deeply, deeply asleep.

How well would I do at standing completely still for 38 minutes based on my 38 years of age? I am competitive so I am sure I could do it, but it would be quite a mental task.

See, my MIND is stimulated all the live long day. I have 5 kids talking to me, therapists in and out 6 or 7 times a week, plus trying to manage my teenagers chores, social outings & schoolwork. It is a lot of mental juggling. No wonder I drool when I knit at night. =0) Moms, you know what I am sayin?

See, I thought because I don’t sit and talk on the phone or play on the computer or Instant message or face book chat my friends all day, I am using my time well. And I am…focused entirely on my family all day. I do lay down at naptime, but its to help the toddler beside me rest. =0) Nonetheless, with the constant mental, verbal, and physical stimulation (hugs, touches, pushing swings, holding hands, etc), I am on constant “full blast” sensory mode.

See, the problem with play is that we see playing as having to do with being busy doing something. The best play takes place when we are IDLE and have NO OBJECTIVE and just ENJOY the SENSORY EXPERIENCE OF NATURE.

This is why the kids can’t stand still anymore:

They aren’t having idle time to use their imagination. We tell them to build and we give them knex and legos. We tell them to play and we hand them Thomas or a battery-operated toy or a puzzle. We have made PLAY about OJBECTS instead of ACTIVITIES.

Years back, my kids were in an after-school program and the parents would complain that they didn’t see enough toys or structured games. What they failed to notice is that when weather permitted (and we made sure weather permitted, by Golly), the kids went into a wooded area and played with sticks, bricks, cinderblocks, plywood, etc. They built forts inside bushes (by tearing branches out of the middle) and waged in epic battles. The cinderblocks were blocks of gold, the oldest kid the foreman, the other kids the miners. The objects were whatever they made of them. No one gave them a suggestion (other than please do not run with sticks). Three or four hours of play went by in no time. I personally had to drag my kids away from the play to go home.

What’s different today? Well, in my home, naturally we have to have structured times, and we do. There are 3 meals at the table every day + at the table snacks. There are therapy sessions every day. There is a rest time and a bedtime everyday, too. But what about absolute free time?

We say that kids can’t handle idle time, because they get into trouble. But really, its because we haven’t equipped them to deal with idle time. We don’t have a lot of toys in our backyard. We have a couple of totes, which are hot commodities. We have a swing set with 3 swings and a slide. We have some trucks, 2 big balls, and beyond that, it is grass, sand, dirt, weeds, rocks, and whatever else God has provided. When I go out with the kids to play, they know now that they can play with anything, as long as they take turns and are kind with each other. It is always a run for the swings. They swing on their bellies and it helps calm them with that motion back and forth. Then they start digging, picking grass, chasing dragonflies. They do various things with the balls and totes and trucks that involve pushing, running, chasing, jumping, climbing, etc. For my part, I try to just sit back and knit in my perch and watch the magic happen. I’m there, my lap is always open, I am overseeing and sometimes redirecting to avert injuries. But the play is THEIRS…and it isn’t TOYS…its imagination.

Imagination in idle play, without dictation or a preconceived plan…that is what kids are missing today.

The Diva has ZERO attention span. She has been working on a 5 piece shape puzzle for a YEAR and just now can put all 5 pieces in before she looses her focus. She can’t (or won’t) do anything that requires an end objective (puzzles, stacking, sorting, etc.) But give her safety scissors, colored pencils, and some glue, and she is lost in creative madness for 20 minutes without noticing what is going on around her. When she is outside, she can sit and pick grass and sprinkle sand on her toes for half an hour.

Good, idle play.

I think Mommy may need more that, if you know what I am sayin. I think maybe I should lay on the quilt and just stare up to the sky instead of knitting. Instead of always being industrious with my hands and avoiding idleness even in my relaxation, maybe I should just take a hot bath like I used to, and turn on Pandora set to play only Dario Marianetti. Maybe I should stick my feet in the box of beans the next time the toddlers do it in OT. Maybe we should make some slime again and just let it wiggle down our arms, feeling like we are soaking wet but seeing no moisture left at all.

Maybe we should just play.